WELCOME TO EARTH

 

WELCOME TO EARTH! A COMEDIC DESCRIPTION OF EARTH BY A 16 YEAR OLD

Dear Alien overlords,

Welcome to earth and as your tour guide, here are some essentials you need to know about this strange blue rock.

Earth (well Earth’s solar system) is located in one of the milky way’s spiral arms known as the Orion arm by its inhabitants and is found two- thirds from the center of the galaxy.

Earth is the third closest planet to its sun. Earth has one natural satellite, of which the inhabitants call “The Moon”.  Earth has a surface area of 510 million squared kilometers, making it this solar systems fifth largest planet.

NOTE: All measurements and numerical values in this guide are the ones used by the earth’s inhabitants

Earth is mostly water and rock in its surface and it has a decent atmosphere but what makes Earth special is that it harbors life. This is not something extraordinary since there are signs of life elsewhere in this solar system like earth’s planetary neighbor Mars and in the 2 large moons of Enceladus and Europa.

But Earth’s life is the most interesting (From an inhabitant perceptive). The most interesting of all the life forms on Earth are bacteria and I advise you dear alien overloads try communicating with these creatures. They are the oldest life forms on earth with some being around this planet since 3.5 billion years ago.

Bacteria outnumber all life forms on Earth with a population of about 5 million trillion trillion. Bacteria are the most innovative creatures on earth since they evolve faster than all other organisms on earth. They occupy every biome including other life form’s bodies and they can survive very harsh conditions including the vacuum of space.

Talking about bacteria’s creativity when it comes to evolution, bacteria have the widest range of where they can get their nutrients. From photosynthesis (using star light to change simple molecules to sugars) to chemosynthesis (using internal chemical reactions to produce nutrients and sugars) to even using radioactive substances as an energy source. These creatures are amazing and those are the only creatures on Earth worth knowing.

 

Bacteria might be the most important life forms on earth

But if you are still curious about the life here, there are some other interesting creatures. These are no other than social insects. These include ants, bees, termites and wasps. All together these small creatures have very interesting things going for them. First, biologically they produce in large numbers and have conquered almost all landmasses on the planet.

But where they stand out is their creativity and ingenuity. All together these insects have mastered agriculture, complex democratic and sometimes totalitarian governments, they have a grasp of mathematics (bees even use it in some elements of their language), they have complex buildings and architecture, some have a complex language made up of complex chemical signaling and even some nationalistic philosophies.

Ants might be the most developed creatures on earth

They are amazing little creatures but not as amazing as bacterium. Some other amazing life forms on earth include the elephants (Passionate giants), octopi (some believe they are not even from this planet) and forests, which are a collection of plant life which act as the base of most of the planets ecosystems and forests actually show signs of intelligence with plant life communicating with one another through a complex network of roots known as the “The Mycelium”.

Dear Alien overlords,

That’s all you need to know about earths life forms but if you are still interested, there is still one more notable (not so special like the ones mentioned above) mention, which is Homo sapiens🙄 or like how they like to call themselves HUMAN BEINGS.

Humans first appeared on Earth 300,000 years ago in the landmass down as Africa and to be honest these guys are just egoistical monkeys. They became the top of the food chain because they generate stamina by removing a stinky liquid known as sweat from their skins (Disgusting I know) and also they have opposable thumbs meaning they can grab things (not all things they grab are good) and also they have big brains but I doubt that translates to intelligence because humans do very stupid things (More on that later).

So when humans became top of the food chain, all hell let loose. Humans have achieved a lot since then. Humans have since then created a complex language that is really close to mind reading, mastered some mathematics, landed on another body in the solar system when they landed on their moon, they have managed to split the atom and even made some disease extinct (these guys like making stuff go extinct, it’s their superpower).

The most popular human being is a man known as Jesus Christ. He lived between 4 BC to 30 AD (the time system is based from this person). He once changed water to ethyl alcohol (what they call wine) and now 2 billion humans worship him as a deity (he did some other stuff too but humans really love their wine😂😂).

But humans do some really dumb stuff especially to each other like they have one thing they call war where they fight for their imaginary territories known as countries. In the last century alone over 108 million humans have died from these and in their whole history it is estimated 1 billion humans have died from war.

Also humans love discriminating each other. They will find any criteria to judge each other or discriminate each other. Notable mentions of this include:

·       Discriminating each other based on genitalia and reproductive systems, they call this SEXISM.

·       Discriminating each other based on skin color and some other distinct bodily difference, they call this RACISM

They also discriminate each other according to their financial systems and they call themselves either poor or rich. I can say all modern humans are run by this financial system and even essential aspects of human society are run by this financial and economic system, this includes science, technology and even something essential for all humans HEALTH CARE.

But the dumbest thing humans do is create words in their own languages and then deem them offensive and they don’t expect people to say them in public. Like why create a word and not use it👿. Erase it then. They call these words profanity or swears or abusive words.

But humans might be better known for their environmental impact on their planet. I mentioned earlier that humans like making things go extinct, oooooooh😅 that’s true. In the last 500 years alone over 680 species of animals have gone extinct because of humans and if you count since human’s first appearance on earth, the number is larger. Some notable mentions of species who have gone extinct because of humans include other human species! Like the Neanderthals.

But the human impact on their environment has gotten worse. 200 years ago some parts of human populations started to industrialize and now almost human populations are in industrialized economies. This sounds good since humans can create goods faster and better but its environmental impact is really bad.

Because of industrialization, humans have been able to pollute their atmosphere and land and almost everything else. Humans are now destroying ecosystems like it’s a sport and now the planet is fighting back with conditions that even humans can’t survive. Humans know their impact on their environment but what most do is just stay and watch cat videos on their small computing devices known as smartphones. (These are very addictive to humans especially to the newer generations)

Humans are really funny they do all this stuff and they still have the audacity to call themselves “THE SMARTEST ORGANISM ON EARTH”.

So dear Alien overlords,

Please try to avoid contact with humans, they are very violent and they will most likely kill you in a brutal and merciless way. So that’s a brief summary of this strange rock known as earth.

EPILOGUE

So you may ask yourself reader “Why is the author writing to aliens?”. I am not actually writing to aliens. Today is Earth day and I wanted to try something new besides just talking about the human condition in the same way I do in previous episodes.

So I tried a comedic (somewhat comedic😅😂) and satirical approach to explaining the earth

I got inspiration for this blog post from NASA’s message to intelligent extra-terrestrial organisms in the two voyager space probes. It looked something like this.

So I thought “Why not make my own updated message for Aliens?” but I wanted to underline major environmental issues caused by humans since its earth day and in the end this ended up being a message for humans and not the aliens I intended to send this to. (Also I do not have the means to send this message into space and also alien do not speak English like how they do in the marvel cinematic universe, so yeah😅).

So as usual if you have read this far, it is appreciated and please comment and contact the author and tell your friends about the blog.

This blog post will also be found in medium.com, so check it out there too.

HAVE A GREAT EARTH DAY EVERYONE!