REFLECTING ON MY MORTALITY

REFLECTING ON MY MORTALITY

Black, eerie, quiet, scary, nothing, etc, these are words that pop up in my head everytime I think of death. As humans we live with the knowledge that we will die, cease to exist, kick the bucket and whatever you like to call it but we live as if we won’t die. We continue to live our lives like this won’t happen until something reminds us that we will die.

I, like most humans, also live this way, without a single thought of death but recently something reminded me of our grim end. A month ago, a friend of mine took his own life, something I can’t comprehend to this day. I was shocked, to be honest, who wouldn’t be shocked by that sort of news. I remember telling  myself that we used to be in the same group a couple of months ago and now he’s gone.

It didn’t feel right that someone so young would choose to go to the unknown, to the eerie blackness. I went to his funeral service and burial, the mood was sad that day, I had never experienced that sort of sadness in my life. My grandmother told me to go and greet the mourners and give my condolences. They seemed in a state of complete sadness, disbelief and there was a hint of horror in their teary eyes. A woman cried louder when she heard I used to study with the deceased, I was shook, I was scared. My grandmother gave me a signal and told me to go give my last goodbyes before the deceased gets buried.

I walked closer to his tiny coffin to give my last goodbyes. I gazed at his face for a millisecond and I couldn’t take it. His face gave me a chill, something didn’t feel right. He looked so calm, so comfortable, almost as if he was content. I went away from the mourners and went to get some air. I told myself, “ I DON’T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS AGAIN” but I knew I was lying to myself.

I knew that I was going to die and it’s inevitable and I could do nothing about it. I knew I was going to feel that way again multiple times. I imagined losing my loved ones, my family, my friends over and over again or the vice versa THEM LOSING ME. The thought almost made me cry right there and then.

The weekend went on after the funeral, I was still shook . I still contemplated my friend's actions. SUICIDE! I constantly told myself, HE KILLED HIMSELF! I saw his actions as irrational but I saw a hint of courage in his actions, choosing to go to the unknown, to die, to go to the place full of legends, death the land of Hades, Yama, Eshu and many other gods designated with death but all I remember is my other friend telling me, “ IT’S ALRIGHT, PEOPLE DIE” and he told me, “ IT’S JUST SUICIDE HITS DIFFERENT”, it didn’t make me feel better but at that point nothing really made sense to me. Like the average human, thinking about death started to feel tedious and two days later I went on with my normal routine. It's as if something inside told me “HE’S GONE, GO LIVE YOUR LIFE” and I listened to that voice and went on with being me.

My friend’s funeral reminded me of an old reddit post I saw on r/askreddit (if I remember correctly). It was an inquiry, the redditor asked “ WHY DON’T WE SPEND MILLIONS ON TRYING TO CURE DEATH? “  I felt this redditor and I asked myself the same question. Some people commented that “ WE HAVE NO REASON TO DO SO” others said, “ THERE IS A TIME IN LIFE WHERE YOU YEARN FOR DEATH”.

There were more comments on reddit but it made me realise that death plays an important role in our lives. We somehow live for DEATH. Death reminds us that our time on Earth is short and it affects how we live our lives. You’ll hear people say YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE and more sayings of the sort. Humans have accepted this since the dawn of our very existence. We will die so we should try to live our best lives here on Earth. The Sumerian tale of Gilgamesh best sums this up. Gilgamesh the mighty king of Uruk, thought he could beat anything until he was told he couldn’t beat death, he then set out to find a way to cure himself of his mortality. A deity told him to beat death, he should try to first defeat sleep, a task he couldn’t do. He ended up accepting his fate. EVEN THE MIGHTY GILGAMESH ACCEPTED HE WAS GOING TO DIE!.

For many who have accepted that they are going to die, they give death, a new meaning, a new purpose. Some see death as well earned rest after the hustle and bustle of being alive, some faiths even romanticise death making it seem like a step to a better existence. We fill the uncharted lands of death with stories of the afterlife, stories of heaven and hell, eternal happiness and torment, stories of new beginnings and etc like how we filled the once unknown lands of the Americas  with stories of dragons and sea beasts.

The weirdest part is that everytime I try to imagine a reality where we live forever, it doesn’t sound good either. All I have known is life but the thought of eternal life doesn’t sit well. Maybe it’s that death at least gives us direction, WHAT DO WE DO IF WE LIVE FOREVER? At least death makes us try to live our best before we cease to exist. Maybe I subconsciously know that life is tiring and I kinda deserve to rest, I really don’t know.

CONCLUSION.

Hello guys,

It’s been awhile since I last wrote, I now do the infamous IB diploma programme and time has been real tight. In this blog post, I didn’t have any real direction, I just wrote what I felt. Death is a subject matter that I try to avoid most of the time and it really makes me shiver.

I would like to know how you guys feel about death and the afterlife. Thank you for reading and please tell your friends and comment. It is appreciated.

For my deceased friend, I hope you’re happy with the decision you made. Rest in peace